NHL Playoff Reform: First Past the Goalposts

These NHL playoffs have been overlong and complicated. Seven games? How many series? All for a silver cup that you can't even keep! In the interest of saving ourselves a lot of time, and the players a lot of energy, let's talk playoff reform.

I for one, would like to advocate a first past the post method for the NHL. It has worked magnificently in a diversity of other sports such as horse racing, the grand prix, the backstroke, and polar exploration.

Right now the NHL playoffs pit each team against a powerful adversary who tests their strengths and weaknesses over several gruelling matches, forcing each team to clearly demonstrate their right to victory. The winning teams advance and do it all over again until one team has demonstrated it's momentary superiority over the other contenders. Holy Inefficient Batman!

It's just a freaking sport! Do we really need to create statistical evidence to support an ethos of agreement around who deserved to win this time? Color me, I don't think so. We Won, Get Over It is a long and healthy tradition except in the few places where it is the basis for civil war and/or junta toppling.

I submit two readily apparent approaches to first past the post Hockey playoffs.

The first approach hardly even impacts the present structure. Begin as usual with all the teams pitted against a powerful adversary. Whichever team, in all the games, scores the most goals, is declared the new Stanley cup champion. The obvious objection is, what if two or more teams score the same high number of goals?

First of all, there should be a recount of the goals, if, after that, there is still a tie, the trophy could either be shared, or barring that, a second series of games could be held to determine who scores the most goals again. Of course the second solution is inordinately complex and there is a risk that most Canadians would not be able to understand what is happening. For this reason, I admire Tim Horton's recent proposal that a box of silver donuts replace the aging Stanley Cup trophy. A box of donuts is both easy and fun to share.

However there is a second approach that I far prefer. It offers greater efficiency, reduces the chance of tied matches and perfectly illustrates the matchless beauty of the first past the post system. Again, it hardly impacts the present structure. All the teams begin as usual, but this time its one night of sudden death, wherein the first team to score a goal in any match is immediately declared playoff champs. Talk about intense!

Also, if the team is so good, this should happen only once every four years. Like the Olympics.

To be sure, this is a complicated proposal and I can already hear the slothful ignorami rolling on their couch springs to groan, “the first past the post mechanisms that you propose cannot possibly address the complexity of hockey. Hockey is fundamentally a team struggle against a variety of opposition and the whole point of the struggle is to prove, through a sequence of selective pairings, to fans and to foes, that this time, they are most worthy of our collective adulation and respect, however begrudgingly we allow it to be wrung from us.” Sigh.

Obviously hockey and its silver crown holds a treasured place in the nation's psyche, and it is important to fans that the crown be awarded only after a series of controlled tests have tried the contenders against each other in a variety of measured, one on one pairings, and so assured that only the candidate which is demonstrably most deserving of trans-regional collective respect does take the crown.

And frankly, upon consideration, the sentiment gives me pause and I am forced to wonder, if the average Canadian is capable of following the complexity of NHL hockey stats on an annual basis, perhaps they could be trusted with something more complex than marking a single X on one Olympian night of sudden death. Of course, I am making reference to Tim Horton's recent proposal that we adopt a such a first past the post method for democratically electing a national team to provisionally train and compete in polar exploration, should mass hysteria create the psychological need for such a team, and for such an exploration. It's happened before, folks. Next time, we can be ready.

Until then, share and have fun,

Andre Harden

Winter's Bone

Ree Dolly's father has left her alone

Stuck on a farm she soon will not own.

It was put up as bond for his most recent bail

So Ree has to find him, she dare not fail.

If she loses the farm she loses her brother,

She loses her sister, and her role of mother;

For Ree runs the house and fills it with life.

Her real mom is sick, her mind lost to strife.

But life in the Ozarks is not very sweet,

It's peopled with folks unpleasant to meet.

They're rude up front and violent soon after,

And Ree's short search quickly ends in disaster.

But things aren't quite as bleak as they seem

For Winter's Bone has an interesting theme:

Success can't be forced by a strong individual,

It grows from the weakness that's to us residual.

As foes shift their stance and offer Ree aid

She finds new hope that her farm can be saved.

But why does she search when she could be free?

That was the question that kept coming to me.

Ree fights for a prize that few would admire:

An anchor of blood in a gene pool of ire.

But Ree cannot fathom the graces they lack,

She's too gratefully bound to the weight on her back.

It Might Get Loud

It was said long ago that three is a crowd.

This theory is tested in IT MIGHT GET LOUD,

When The Edge, Jack White and old Jimmy Page,

Three great guitarists of the electric age,

Speak from their hearts of their love for the axe,

And how it was shaped by their favourite tracks.

Individual segments shed light on the mystery

Of each of the artists's unique sound and history.

Intercut this with them jamming together,

Summoning storms of musical weather.

Fingers flash down for a strong string lashin',

Thunderous howl of a grown man's passion,

That further refines and expresses their joy,

Of the electric guitar - part tool, part toy.

Save the Cat

Blake Snyder's how-to-write-a-screenplay-that-people-will-want-to-buy book has been one of the most popular how-to screenwriting books since it was published back in 2005. It's taken me a while to get to it, but due to the saturation of Blake's ideas in the marketplace, I had become famililar, in a sketchy way, with quite a bit of his content and approach. What made Blake uniquely suited to write this book (he passed suddenly in 2009) was that he was a bonafide spec screenwriter, specialised in the PG family comedy film, who, over the course of his career, developed and sold over a dozen scripts to top Hollywood studios. Consider that the cake. The icing is that he wrote the book with an accessible, conversational style that keeps things simple while addressing the tasks you need to accomplish if you want to create and write a dramatic and well structured story.

Most how-to screenwriting books are written by non-screenwriters. A frequent complaint leveled at such gurus is "How can you teach me how to write a screenplay when you can't actually do it yourself?" But Blake tips his hat to some - he has learned a lot from theorists, like Syd Field who wrote the seminal book, Screenplay. But as a working writer Blake goes beyond theory and is able to offer a wealth of practical truths and tools that he's developed and discovered to help him consistently craft stories that can hook studios and generate sales. This is really helpful because in theory, crafting a great story is pretty simple, in practice it's pretty difficult to get things to work out.

Blake focuses on structure and maps his process, from starting at the logline, moving through genre to laying down a beat sheet and mapping the scenes on The Board. He closes with some helpful thoughts on revision and trouble shooting. He does kind of skip over the writing part, but that's where talent comes in and you have to bring that yourself. That first set of pages is your problem, but Blake is essentially handing you a tool kit and a pretty good map of the minefield. If you're a decent writer with an idea, it's enough to help you get that first draft done. And even you can't write well, you might craft a decent story that someone else can move forward.

Blake's fresh approach to genre and the beat sheet has spawned a whole new development vocabulary that includes genres like: Monster in the House, Golden Fleece and Dude with a Problem. In all he's named ten new genres that shake up one's approach to story telling...and the genres "feel right".

Save the Cat moves to the top of my recommend list for aspiring screenwriters. It shouldn't be the only book one reads, but it does tell you what the job is. And Snyder is fun to read, even if you have a different taste in films than he does. He has such winsome confidence that it's fun to see him trash films such as Memento and Unbreakable, which quite I enjoyed. The book is also worthy reading for anyone who wants to better understand the film industry, particularly why some films (scripts) get made and others don't.

Fast Food Nation (book)

Eric Schlosser's investigation into "the dark side of the all-American meal" uncovers a lagoon full of unsavory facts. Published in 2001, it reflects the world at that time. It is an unsettling expose, not just of the fast food industry, but of corporate greed and power in general. The fast food industry, being by far the largest employer in the economy, has been profoundly influential on a variety of industries. Schlosser makes a case that such influence has been catastophic to the general interest, contributing to an increasingly unskilled workforce that is both underpaid and overworked, chronic employee dissatisfaction and turnover, the normalization of aggressive child targetted advertising, widespread interference in the formation of government policies and subsidies meant to support small business and workplace health and safety, and a school system infested with corporate interests that range from corporate sponsored textbooks which flat out misrepresent reality in favour of corporate agendas, to advertising in the classroom, and forcing students to market corporate products. Oh. And there is shit in the meat.

Each of these areas should be of profound concern, especially given the rapidity at which these consolidating corporations have been taking control of how we eat, work and think.

Directing advertising to children used to be illegal, and in many countries, still is. This is because children are not able to to distinguish between reality and advertising and cannot critically consider a commercial's hidden agenda. The fast food industry has led the way in advertising to children attempting to create a feeling of friendship because they know that if a consumer can learn, as a child, to associate their logo with positive, accepting feelings, they will be especially receptive to the ongoing grooming which will make them life-long customers. There is a direct correlation with the boom of fast food consumption and the rise in child obesity rates. Though Schlosser's book doesn't look at this, I would not be surprised that children's average television viewing hours correlate with the rise of both.  

Despite the fast food industries attempts to consistently reduce their need for skilled labour, they receive hundreds of millions of dollars from the government in the form of subsidies to train workers in a skill, and in the form of loans that are intended for small businesses. Workers generally do not learn skills, nor are these businesses small. Health and safety organizations have made numerous attempts to better regulate the industry and these have largely resulted in failure and a decrease in regulation. While watchdog groups are able to force recalls of dangerous toys and other products, it is actually against the law for them to force a recall of lethally tainted meat. This has cost lots of lives.

The high likelihood of tainted meat is why our mothers always told us to make sure we cooked the meat really well. I just thought we were trying to kill the bacteria that were naturally present in the meat, but the bacteria that needs killed is actually not native to the meat. It grows in fecal matter. Shit. Thanks to the application of mass production mechanization to the slaughterhouse process our meat is habitually splattered with shit. The lines run too fast for the workers to always cut the digestive systems free of the carcass without rupturing it. In up to 20% of the carcasses, the organs are cut and waste spills over the meat and line. No big deal. Just make sure it's cooked. Cooked waste can't kill you. And with the magic of chemical flavorants, it can be made to taste and smell delicious.  In fact some feedlots make waste a signifigant part of the meal for their cattle. In addition to rendering dead pigs and horses into feed, they also do chicken manure. 

According to Schlosser, fast food locations are one of the most dangerous locations a person can work. More fast food workers are shot and killed on the job than are policemen. This is because they are targets for armed robbery. In most cases the robbers are former employees, angry with being underpaid. Meatpacking plants are rife with accidents, most of which are unreported. Some companies have even kept two copies of their accident reports, a real one, and a much, much shorter one to show investigators. When found out these companies got their hands slapped, rallied their political allies (why is it always Repbulicans?) and were given the power to regulate themselves. 

It is a disconcerting read. Apparently in the ten years following publication there has been some changes. The outbreak of "mad cow" disease (which occured as a direct result of feeding dead animals to cattle) hurt the beef industry and forced changes in federal government policy on cattle farming. According to wikipedia later editions of the book discuss these developments with the view that further change can be made to happen if enough political will is applied.

I'm not so sure. So much of my recent reading of history and present observation of policy and politics has left me convinced that the government is primarily interested in protecting the wealth and property of the rich. The wealthy families and merchants of generations past have evolved into corporations that are daily reaching new heights of power and influence. It puts me in mind of this video of David Simon, creator of The Wire, discussing the end of the American empire. Perhaps the end of the illusion of American ideals is a better description of the reality, because I'm forced to agree with Simon when he observes that the government, when asked to choose between the common good and corporate gain, seems to always choose corporate gain -- and if they don't -- it seems due to an awareness that the gain must be temporarily postponed until the people are desperate and distracted enough to bear it.

Jellaby

When Portia, a lonely young girl, discovers a lost dragonlike (in the scaly, winged, purple, cute and adorable sense of the word) creature, she makes quick friends, but soon realises a true friend would help Jellaby find his way back home. When Jason, an energetic young boy, also discovers Jellaby, they use Halloween as a cover to all sneak off to Toronto with the hope of finding a mysterious door that they think might lead to Jellaby's home.

It does not go smoothly.

Kean Soo's style and story may seem to target young children, and while they'll certainly find Jellaby appealing, Soo's story is really universal in its appeal and execution. The purple palatte lends a sombre tone to the overall story and his toonish art distills character and emotion, rather than reducing them. Indeed the stakes and situations in the second volume are quite high and could prove scary to some young readers, even as they prompt deeper thoughtfulness from older ones.




There is a medition here on selflessness, and of learning to put the needs of those we care about ahead of ourselves, as best we can, despite our own hurts and shortcomings. Portia and her mother and Jason are flawed enough that we can identify with their pains and struggles and happiness. Our whole family, adults, kids and teens, loved really enjoyed the two volume story. As Jeff Smith, creator of Bone says, "Jellaby will steal your heart."

Kean Soo has a website: http://www.secretfriendsociety.com/ where you can check out some Jellaby shorts, and read a preview for the graphic novel. Also hosted there is Hope Larson's Salamander Dreams, which I haven't yet read.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

The third book in Stieg Larsson's Millenium trilogy, concludes the events begun in The Girl Who Played with Fire. The strengths of the previous books are again present - strong characterization, high stakes that are deeply personal, and an intricate web of deception and secrets brought sequentially into the light. Blomqvist and Salander remain intriguing protaganists, even when operating at a distance from each other.

More than just a mystery thriller, the heartbeat pounding at the core of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, is friendship. Through it's diversity of characters, the narrative offers a look at the different shapes friendship takes when people feel compelled to offer it. At this point in the story characters are largely formed and must decide how to respond to Salander's critical needs. While it's a hurdle for people to offer their friendship to Salander, it's as a much of a hurdle for her to receive it. This important component of the story is especially interesting where the study serves to break down common cultural stereotypes.

If you've read the first two books, you're certainly going to read this one. I expect you'll be quite satisfied.